Search Results for gaffemaster

Gaffemaster Flash: Biden or Obama?

When a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, it still makes a noise.

When Barack Obama makes a gaffe in the public arena, it still makes a noise. But as with the tree, no one hears the noise. Why? Because the media fails to address the gaffe. It’s not too much unlike explaining away our daily Bidenisms: that’s just Joe being Joe (which is media code for this: he may be a total idiot, but he’s our total idiot).

Barry seems to think the bodies of four murdered Americans are a speed bump in his record of foreign policy achievement, right up there with the Russian reset and rebuilding the American image with the Muslim world.

The good news is he’s stopped the seas from rising.

Why do Democrats say they’ll never support homosexual marriage?

Why did Democrats like Dick Durbin, Hillary Clinton, and Harry Reid (to say nothing of Dear Reader and GaffeMaster Flash) say they would never support homosexual marriage?

Expediency, the same reason they now favor homosexual marriage (AKA SSM, or same sex marriage) or are trending in that direction. From David Weigel at Slate:

The new Democratic advocates for SSM fall into two camps. The first consists of people who always liked the idea of this but worried about losing national elections. In his memoir, Democratic consultant Bob Shrum remembers John Kerry fretting that the Massachusetts Supreme Court had forced Democrats to talk about gay marriage before they were ready to. “Why couldn’t they just wait a year?” he asked Shrum, mournfully. The second camp consists of people who really do oppose the idea of gay people getting married. Republicans argued that this second camp was tiny, and that liberals were hiding behind it. They were right!

As it turns out, the promises of these Democrats mean nothing and their words are vacuous. Or in other words, normal-normal.

We’re from the government and we’re here to help

The President just knows that if we could only get more people on “good government jobs,” all would be well in America. Others think he’s mistaken. A few recent and notable chronicles of public service:

We have GaffeMaster Flash spending $1 million a year of other people’s money just for his weekend trips.

There’s The Nanny taking along a police detail—and paying for it with other people’s money—when he vacations in Bermuda… or anywhere else. Oh, and they take their guns—and likely their Big Gulps—naturally. Do as I say and not as I do and all that.

State troopers in Texas perform a full body cavity search on a pair of women. The taxpayers are responsible for both the troopers’ salary and the subsequent lawsuit. The alleged crime driving the requirement for a full body cavity search? Throwing a cigarette out of their vehicle.

Government d-baggers in Colorado (and elsewhere) drive businesses that makes things people want out of state due to the crafting of idiotic laws (with legislatures and governors that match). Remember, Obamacare fully funds any and all libotomies.

Don’t forget EU bureaucrats going all Steve Miller, that is, they take the money and run… for re-election and/or re-appointment. (This is a story about Angela and frau Lagarde, two old people who wanted to go full retard…)

Yes, they’re here from the government, they’re glad to see you, and they’re here to help.

Things that do not go together

There are things that go together (think peanut butter and chocolate) and there are things that do not go together.

Somewhere near the top of the does-not-go-together list (across the board, but as it most currently regards gun control) has to be “Joe Biden” and “brain storming.”

Biden is an inherently unserious man and the fact Obama would choose him to “lead” a task force on government gun control is indicative of the fact Obama is just as unserious. The fact Biden would float the idea that the President could bypass the Constitution with an Executive Order is confirmation of such unseriousness.

Although GaffeMaster Flash clearly has little knowledge of the limits of presidential authority, one might think that his boss, the “Constitutional professor,” would.

Other members of the does-not-go-together Hall of Fame:

  • Hillary Clinton and well-hydrated
  • Chris Christie and low carb
  • Chris Christie and principled fiscal conservative
  • Lance Armstrong and drug-free
  • Jack Lew and honest broker
  • Chuck Hagel and popular Republican politico

Uncle Joe finally finds truth!

Joe “Heartbeat Away” Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash, has an epiphany (or a Freudian slip):

We’ve never been proud to have him as our president either.

Update: what Biden was really trying to accomplish

daily show guy

(New York, PMNS)

It can now be revealed that Joe Biden had a hidden agenda in last night’s vice presidential debate from Danville, Kentucky.

Democrat and Comedy Central insiders have now said that Mr. Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash to Administration and White House insiders,  was not only trying to debate Paul Ryan, he was also concurrently trying out to be a Daily Show crew member.

Despite Mr. Biden’s debate performance, producers for the Daily Show are not yet sold on Mr. Biden’s Ed McMahon to Jon Stewart’s Johnny Carson. However, they are still considering him as a possible audience member.

The lack of further VP debates is said to hurt Mr. Biden’s chances for either position, unless his ticket should lose.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

The VP Debates

Clearly the Administration’s strategy was to demonize Mitt Romney (Paul Ryan would just be collateral damage, should it occur) as well as Joe Biden could muster.

Joe Biden’s method was a one-two-three combination of 1) smirk, 2) debatus-interruptus, and 3) policy can-kicking. His early-on debatus-interruptus was successful in making the debate difficult to follow at parts—even the moderator seemed a bit peeved at the uneven process—as Joe’s wooden choppers gleamed whiter than his shirt.

However, sadly for the Obama re-election effort, Mr. Biden, flawed as he was, far outperformed his boss (but that ain’t sayin’ much).

Mr. Biden strikes me as a political animal who will do and say anything to advance his team’s cause. However, his Obama-approved message is simply wrong, backwards looking, and unsustainable. Plus, he’s unable to articulate the superiority of his ideas (made more difficult by the absence of such superiority) in any sort of compelling way. Joe’s fall back position depends on insider name dropping, platitudes, and still more smirking.

Those intel guys just have to be loving on Biden (not)—we’ll see how the IC comes back at Joe.

And Ryan also got GaffeMaster Flash with the zinger of the night, a beaut.

Top ten observations regarding Obama’s epic fail

Post-debate, here’s a top ten stream of consciousness that comes to mind:

  1. Worst performance by a nominee (and that’s what Barry is) in a debate since Al Gore’s heavy sigh. For Obama, tonight was a heavy sigh writ large. Heavy sighs don’t win voters.
  2. Barry really could have used a teleprompter or an ear piece. Dear Reader may do a dandy job on teleprompter but he clearly isn’t Dear Thinker or Dear Debater.
  3. Appearing on The View is a poor intellectual substitute for having your policies, ideas, and record challenged by the media (Univision, Fox, and talk radio  excepted) or your staff.
  4. Romney looks presidential.
  5. Barry looks perturbed. Maybe a new tie will help…
  6. Having a command of the facts seems to be vey important in a debate.
  7. As we clicked around to MSNBC and CNN, the talking heads there were in agreement: this was a terrible night for Barry. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing (but as I continued to listen to the guy from Starbucks arguing with Rudy Giuliani on MSNBC, I could…).
  8. Used “trickle down government,” but still waiting to hear Mr. Romney describe Barry’s presidency as “trickle down poverty” or that Obama’s “recovery” has been worse for Americans than Bush’s “recession.”
  9. Barry could have partaken a few economics courses in lieu of the skull bong and myriad coke lines. Still, he is our most intelligent president ever, right?
  10. Bill Clinton will become increasingly important to Barry as the election nears.
  11. BONUS OBSERVATION: in HD, many of the talking heads appear to have false teeth.

And how about Paul Ryan debating Joe Biden in about a week? Do the words “mercy rule” come to mind? Don’t be too surprised if the Administration announces that heartbeat-away Joe (AKA GaffeMaster Flash) has a pesky hair plug infection or some such excuse that keeps him from facing Ryan. Otherwise, it’ll make Dick Cheney’s TKO of Joe Lieberman look like a Sunday School picnic.

Man is the only creature who can lie to himself

The President’s apologists are in full denial regarding his “you didn’t build that” gaffe.

For a politico, a gaffe can take many forms, but it will normally be either: 1) saying something that’s obviously true but is politically incorrect, or 2) saying something you actually believe (but will be poorly received) with your out loud voice.

Barry Oh!, the greatest orator of all time and our most intelligent president ever, blundered on the second form of gaffe.

This means that post-gaffe, the Obama team is reduced to asking “What are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?”

Tim Cavanaugh destroys the deniers in full at Reason.com.

And while man remains the only creature capable of lying to himself, we’re finally starting to get more insight into what Obama really thinks.

Based on the magnitude of this particular gaffe, Barry is making a run at Joe Biden (who holds a huge quantitative lead) for the title of Administration GaffeMaster Flash.

Ray LaHood: sharp as a marble

Ray LaHood, as characterized by David Harsanyi:

In my career, I’ve been lucky enough to meet cabinet members, governors, senators and even a few presidential candidates, but, honestly, I’ve never met anyone less impressive at the higher levels of government than LaHood.

The first conclusion we can draw: Mr. Harsanyi has not met Eric Holder.

The second conclusion: the Administration actively supports the Americans with Mental Disabilities Act. Consider at minimum Holder, LaHood, and GaffeMaster Flash (AKA Joe Biden).

The third conclusion: the President has surrounded himself with people who think as he does.

Scary, ain’t it?

C’mon November!

An Administration in Denial

GaffeMaster Flash asserts the U.S. economy is in the septic tank because Democrats lost the House in the 2010 elections.

He ignores why the Republicans took the House in 2010: Democrats.

Mankind is the only creature who can lie to himself and Joe Biden has an advanced degree in denial.

Joe doesn’t make sense even when he follows the script…

The Joe Biden Job Protection Act of 2012

I now have a theory why GaffeMaster Flash, AKA Joe Biden, got out in front of the President on the oxymoron known as homosexual marriage: it’s a play he thinks will keep him on the ticket for 2012.

How so? Because the homosexual community, the traditional media, and Hollywood will all be in favor of the bold, principled position Biden took, one which forced the President’s political hand. Biden now has serious pro-homosexual bona fides.

The homosexual community and Hollywood provide money and the traditional media provides top cover. Although the President is polling poorly versus Mitt Romney at the moment, imagine how much worse he’d be doing if the traditional media better reported the news.

And how scary is it to concede that Joe Biden is the thought leader in the Administration? I’ll answer my own question: it’s beyond terrifying.

While many think the extreme non-statesmanship and general idiocy of Biden would make him incapable of such a premeditated political act, a second hypothesis emerges: on occasion, even a deaf, dumb, and blind squirrel can find an acorn.

or did that deaf, dumb, and blind guy sure find a mean acorn?

Clinton and Obama: America’s first black and gay presidents

Chloe Ardelia Wofford (AKA Toni Morrision) declared Bill Clinton to be America’s first black president. From The New Yorker:

Years ago, in the middle of the Whitewater investigation, one heard the first murmurs: white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children’s lifetime.

So it would seem either 1) Morrison’s crystal ball was broken, 2) her assertion was ridiculous, or 3) President Obama isn’t black.

gayNow, Newsweak’s Andrew Sullivan says Barry Oh! is the first gay president. I’m not sure what his homosexual qualifications (Obama’s; for Sullivan I have no need-to-know) are, as Morrison might say, his apparent non-homosexuality notwithstanding.

Will Sullivan’s prediction be as far off as Morrison’s? Or is it instead more likely that Obama’s hand was forced by GaffeMaster Flash; that Barry needed the homosexual community’s money to fund his re-election effort; that once you parse his statements out, you can see he’s hedging; that his knowledge as a Christian theologian and Biblical expert are just as good as his presidential skills; that he’s “evolving” on who knows what else.

I heard someone today say they feel the President is a radical Marxist. I’m sure the President doesn’t view himself in such a manner, but it really all comes down to how you define things: black, gay, radical , and/or Marxist.

The lessons? 1) Definitions matter and 2) actions speak louder than words.

If you don’t think definitions matter, then check out America’s unemployment numbers which are said to be falling.

Joe Biden’s Addled Brain

Joe Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash, is at it again. The guy never ceases to amaze: he’s less ethical than Spiro Agnew, less truthful than Al Gore, less benevolent than Dick Cheney, and less graceful than Gerald Ford.

I suppose a tumor might explain much of Biden’s behavior, except he’s been this way for decades.

And in this man-bites-dog world, Joe Biden epitomizes the very Administration and President he serves.

So when Joe attempts to assign blame to the George W. Bush administration—gee, that’s an original position to take, and for Biden, clever—as it regards Iran’s nuclear weapons program, he once again has the facts upside down, sideways, and backwards.

From Marc Theissen:

●Before Obama took office, Iran had enough low-enriched uranium to fuel one bomb after enriching to weapons grade. Today, Iran has enough low-enriched uranium to fuel at least fourbombs.

●Before Obama took office, Iran had zero known centrifuges producing uranium enriched to 20 percent (which can be converted to nuclear weapons fuel in a short amount of time). Today, they have more than 1,000 centrifugeschurning out this dangerous, near-bomb-grade material.

●Before Obama took office, Iran had no stockpiles of this higher enriched uranium. Today, Iran has 73.1 kilograms. (It needs just 85 kilograms for a bomb.)

●Before Obama took office, Iran needed months to make a dash to a bomb. Today, it could make that dash in a matter of weeks.

That’s not all. In December 2011, Iran’s deeply buried Fordow facility went operational and Iran is now producing near-bomb-grade uranium at this hardened facility. Iran has also more than doubled the number of centrifuges operating at its infamous Natanz facility — from 3,936 when Obama took office to 8,808 today. Moreover, in the past several years, Iran has expanded the development and testing of advanced solid-fueled ballistic missiles — so that when it does make the decision to make a dash for the bomb, it also can make a dash to deliver it as well.

The bottom line is this: The Iranian regime has developed a rapid nuclear weapons breakout capability on President Obama’s watch.

And the worst part? Compared to the Administration’s domestic policy, their failures regarding Iran’s nuclear program look fairly modest.

Joe’s brain long-ago achieved room temperature which makes him an excellent fit with the rest of the Administration. But the problem is not so much their intelligence; it’s their initiative.

Obama Goes Gay (Marriage)

President Obama has come out of the closet and now says he favors homosexual marriage.

So as this revelation is parsed out, a few of options are worth unpacking.

First, the President could be taking what he thinks is a genuinely moral stand on what is apparently a change of heart—his evolution—on  the topic.

Second, GaffeMaster Flash, AKA Joe Biden, could have forced Obama’s hand and continuing to live the lie was just too difficult (and distracting).

Third, Obama could have come to an understanding (say, as suggested by internal polling) which posits he won’t be battered by Black or Hispanic voters for endorsing homosexual marriage. That is, They’re going to vote for me anyway.

Unless, of course, they don’t.

Fourth, Obama could have figured the homosexual community’s push-back would be more severe (as suggested by the same internal polling) both money and vote-wise than anticipated had he not approved.

Finally, he might mistakenly think he’s supporting a Muslim-held position on the subject. The caption in the cartoon above has two married—to each other—men whispering of muskrat love. Draw your own conclusions.

Given the voting results in from North Carolina, the whole spectacle seems to serve as another reminder the President remains out of step with the populace.

The next topic for the President will be to ponder a possible Executive Office endorsement of polygamy and sanctioned incest. Hey, why not, consenting adults and all?

The Tight and Comfortable Liberal Cocoon

How comfy cozy is the liberal cocoon? Pretty tight.

First you have Maureen Dowd—she’s the snarky one with observations generally several decades past their sell by dates—asserting Hillary Clinton is absolutely groovy.

Hillary Clinton cemented her newly cool image and set off fresh chatter about her future…

Then, you have Joe “GaffeMaster Flash” Biden saying Al Franken is a leading legal scholar.

“He has been one of the leading legal scholars,” Biden said of Franken today, according to the pool report. He also said that Franken “is deadly serious” as a senator. He made the comments while recalling concerns that then-candidate Franken could not be taken seriously as a Senate candidate given his SNL work.

The reality: Hillary is about as cool as a microwave and Franken is as sharp as a marble. Biden is somewhat less sharp than Franken; more like a Nerf marble.

Your results will not vary.

Ozzie ♥ Castro

Ozzie Guillen manages the Miami Marlins, formerly known as the Florida Marlins, in a sport that was once our national pastime. The fact that Guillen is a major league manager must drive every wanna-be MLB manager in the universe absolutely insane.

Guillen is known for playing the fool and as far as it goes, he’s on a hot streak. From NBC Miami:

Guillen‘s [most recent idiotic] comment was published in an online Time Magazinearticle.

“I love Fidel Castro,” Guillen was quoted as saying. “I respect Fidel Castro. You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that mother****** is still here.”

Guillen is from Venezuela. Hugo Chavez is also from Venezuela. Chavez also hearts Castro.

Guillen is in full back-peddle on his Castro gaffe, but “That’s Ozzie being Ozzie”isn’t much of an explanation nor excuse for a case or raging stupidity, especially from someone who’s supposed to be a leader.

As a point of comparison, it’s unlikely even GaffeMaster Flash, AKA Joe Biden would say such a thing. (Unlikely; not certain.)

Experience is Overrated

From the Today Show’s Matt Lauer, a question directed to Sarah Palin (as relayed by Brietbart):

Do you think, if Mitt Romney is the nominee, he should choose someone with more experience on the national battlefield than you had at the time?”

Now consider the Lauer question vis-à-vis some comments from Gaffemaster Flash, AKA Vice President Joe Biden:

On Thursday evening, the prominent politician made some curious comments about not wanting “a real job.”

According to press accounts, while praising Chicago’s former Mayor Richard M. Daley and former White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley, Biden told the audience, ”I never had an interest in being a mayor ’cause that’s a real job.  You have to produce. That’s why I was able to be a senator for 36 years.”

The conclusion is simple: experience—certainly as it concerns Joe Biden—is overrated.

And when you have the absence of first-rate intellect, temperament, and experience, the results, as seen in the current Administration’s “accomplishments,” can be devastating.

Finally, as for Mr. Lauer, well he coulda been an actor, but he would up here…

Matt Lauer coulda been an actor…

From Russia With Love

vladThe President fumbles the moment in South Korea with his now-notorious and indefensible open mike comments to lame duck Russian President Dmitri Medvedev.

Perhaps as a result—and certainly as an opportunity—Mitt Romney says Russia is our leading geo-political foe.

That leads to weeping, angst, and gnashing of teeth by the usual suspects, including likable-enough Hillary Clinton and Gaffemaster Flash, AKA Joe Biden.

“He acts like he thinks the Cold War is still on, Russia is still our major adversary. I don’t know where he has been,” Biden shot back during a Sunday interview on the CBS current affairs program “Face the Nation.”

“This is not 1956,” Biden added. “We have disagreements with Russia, but they’re united with us on Iran. One of only two ways we’re getting material into Afghanistan to our troops is through Russia … if there is an oil shutdown in any way in the Gulf, they’ll consider increasing oil supplies to Europe.”

How big of the Russians to consider such an increase and how excellent of Joe to notice it isn’t 1956.

From there, the Romney campaign offers a counterattack:

“Vice President Biden appears to have forgotten the Russian government’s opposition to crippling sanctions on Iran, its obstructionism on Syria and its own backsliding into authoritarianism. And Secretary Clinton herself asked recently of Russia, ‘whose side are they on?’,” Romney policy director Lanhee Chen said in a statement.

But in the meantime, consider Russia, as assessed by former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates:.

“SecDef (Gates) observed that Russian democracy has disappeared and the government was an oligarchy run by the security services,” read a cable about the meeting

There’s also the descriptions of Russia as a ‘Mafia state’ and of Moscow as a ‘kleptocracy’ by wikileaked U.S. cables (and remember, you still can’t spell Julian Assange without a-s-s).

Now, you have your 76-year old former KGB front man committing suicide. I’m not sure about the Russian tradition, but the 76-year olds in America are fighting to stay alive and well.

Just as recently, post-Putin re-election, that is, you get this:

Russian police say they detained 55 opposition supporters near Moscow’s Red Square in order to prevent an unauthorized anti-government rally there.

The entire lesson of the Obama gaffe and even the Romney campaign’s counter-point is missed. Regardless of who the major U.S. geo-political foe is—and it probably varies from day to day and even moment to moment—Russia is out for Russia and Russia’s rulers are out for Russia’s rulers.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.