Obama and Corzine use Fundraiser to Criticize Republicans

(Fake Reuters) At a $40,000 per plate fundraiser in Newark, President Obama met with former Democrat Governor Jon Corzine and used the opportunity to openly criticize his Republican challengers. The President said that Republicans want “dirtier air, dirtier water, less fruits and vegetables, fewer people on health care, [and] less accountability on Wall Street” for the nation. The President added that he believes New York Times writer and hobby economist Paul Krugman has it right in that “the fiscal plans the Republicans have offered are better described as recycled economic voodoo on a rusty pizza pan.”

Rocker and New Jersey native Bruce Springsteen warmed the crowd for the President with songs from his new album “Aborted in the USA,” including “Workin’ at the supermarket,” “Got me a new tattoo,” and “Lost my soul in a big black hole.” Springsteen, now a legal resident of the Grand Cayman Islands, received a warm welcome when his private Boeing 767-33A landed at Newark International. Later, he jokingly warned the crowd that his multiple throat polyps now made him “sound more than ever like a man with life-threatening constipation.” Springsteen then turned serious and used the occasion to point out that constipation is not a condition currently covered under the President’s embattled healthcare plan.

The President used the fundraiser to offer that “Wall Street types and crony capitalists everywhere” were the ones “who along with George Bush and the Congressional Republicans ushered in with the 2010 election” are responsible for the nation’s current economic problems and “would themselves be joining the ranks of the nation’s unemployed” following the 2012 elections. The cheering crowd of 500-plus individuals offered the President plenty of vocal encouragement, chanting “four more years” and interrupting his speech with repeated applause, especially with the introduction of perpetual-motion machine inventor Elton Muskie.

Corzine, the state’s former governor, who has served as one of President Obama’s most successful fundraising “bundlers,” is now facing new scrutiny for his role in the loss of an estimated $1.2 billion of investor monies in his role as chief of collapsed trading firm MF Global. While Corzine had no comments on the MF Global situation, he did echo the President’s criticism of “Republican Wall Street fat cats begging for handouts on the taxpayers’ dime.”

In addition to individual contributions, the President’s fundraiser was corporately sponsored by Goldman Sachs, General Motors, and Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac. Mr. Obama appeared especially feisty, energized, and combative after his 44-day vacation which was a part of his leading from behind approach to the so-called Super Committee activities. After the event, to gathered media, he said he was looking forward to the upcoming election and would use the opportunity to “continue to serve the nation and take us from softness to greatness.”


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on November 22, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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