Obama Uses Crony Capitalism As Its Model

(Whon Duck Loh, Peking Super-Paper, Beijing)

America is an important trading partner for China, and we Chinese are becoming increasingly concerned at the shocking failures we see in your country. The failure we’re most worried about is called crony capitalism. We’re familiar with state-sponsored capitalism, which is similar, but is far more efficient.

Crony capitalism is analogous to the socialization of loss and the privatization of gain; state-sponsored capitalism is money made by the state on the backs of the citizenry.

“Cronyism” describes what your President Obama is pursing in his politics as well: the socialization of his failure (on the backs of the “makers,” productive Americans) and the privatization of his own political gain (a second term). Of course, in time, even we in China know his failures will be paid for by your “taking” class as well. Why do we care? China will similarly fail if we can’t continue to serve an America abundant in buyers. That would be bad for Americans, Chinese, and the world in general.

In President Obama, you now have the worst of both the “intellect” and “temperament” aspects of leadership. It’s one thing to be a fool, but a fool with initiative can do real damage, and that’s just what you have in the White House. The President’s solution to everything is four more years, with increased government spending and regulation. Apparently the United States is too much to destroy in only one term, but China doesn’t want America to be destroyed; it would be bad for our economy, especially with Europe headed straight down the toilet.

Your President Obama is far from being the most intelligent president; if he were, he’d have long-ago revealed his test scores, transcripts, and writings. If he were your most clever president, he would have doctored those same items. It’s perhaps even worse for the American people based on his temperament, which our intelligence agencies have compared to the quality control efforts at our Chinese hot dog factories. Let’s just say you should be shocked.

While people whine about the President’s frequent vacations and golf outings, you should rather rejoice that he isn’t out “getting things done.” The President accuses your Congress, the Democrat Senate and the seated in 2011 Republican House as “do-nothing,” but America (and China) should have been so lucky as to have had a do-nothing President Obama.

China is a peaceful nation, dedicated to our own well-being. If it’s convenient, we’ll gladly meet many of your needs as the manufacturer of choice. But for the good of China and the good of your nation, President Obama’s ineptness can no longer be rewarded. We already hold well over $1 trillion of your debt as a result of the President’s stimulus and economic regression, and we can ill-afford to pay for his Obama Care.

Dear Americans, look at the crony political capitalist in the White House and ask if you can do better. China is confident you can. We believe in you.

Whon Duck Loh is President of the Great Wall Manufactures’ Association and the opinions expressed here are his own.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on December 12, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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