Putin Is A Bad Man
(Leningrad Times, Special Reporter Adonis Balzac)
Russian Prime Minister and President-to-be Vladimir Putin has agreed to help the Russian Men’s National Volleyball Team as a setter.
Putin, already known as a star hunter, spy, statesman, industrialist, outdoorsman, and shredded hard body will soon add Olympic athlete to his long list of accomplishments. Prime Minister Putin, seen here in his street clothes delivering a precise one-handed set, came back to the game after a long time away. “I toyed with the game as a boy, but only slightly” said Putin. “But after working out with the team, it became clear I could offer the leadership, mad court skills, and will to win we need.”
A spot for Putin opened up unexpectedly when incumbent setter and all-FIVA player Alexei Solzhenitsyn and Russian coaching legend Vladimir Alekhno both went missing, only to be later discovered face down in a small duck pond near Gorky Park. State authorities have ruled out foul play in their deaths.
“Luckily Mr. Putin came available to us at just the right time,” offered new coach Nikolai подлизываться, a man with an unpronounceable name even for the most hard-bitten Russians. подлизываться, while unknown in any way to the Russian volleyball community, is thought to be a former polonium-210 expert as well as a personal favorite of Mr. Putin. “To-be President Putin offers the leadership, mad court skills, and will to win we need” said подлизываться.
The Russian national team, having won the 2011 FIVB World League without Mr. Putin on the roster, is looking forward to competing in the 2012 Summer Olympics in London.