Oh Meow, Baby!!

The Canyons (Utah) School District authorities have gone full retard.

Just what did the school board do that could be characterized as full retard? They determined that the student selected mascot (the Cougar) for Corner Canyon High School, set to open in 2013, is insensitive to women and must not be used.

The school district’s solution: no, we wise adults will pick your mascot for you, you foolish students. And we pick a Charger.

A Charger? Isn’t that insensitive to those with a shopping compulsion, many of whom may well be women?! You mean, cruel, disfigured school board weenies!!

What the school board should have picked was the carrot. Yes, that’s right, the humble, non-inflammatory vegetable. That way they could at least get a laugh (and keep the alliteration) out of the whole debacle as the Corner Canyon Carrots.

In related news, the Department of Defense has decided to name the Air Force’s new manned bomber the Baby Beluga and has also decided to now address the multiservice F-35 as the Manatee; PETA has already filed an injunction over the use of the two nicknames.

Dear school board: never go full retard. Instead, go Carrots!

Advice for the Canyons School Board
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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on January 20, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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