You Thought Lurch Was Ugly Then?
Lurch(also known as John Kerry, largely ignored but best known for his 2004 comedy reprise as the former running mate of John Edwards) has been ugly a long time.
Who’da thought it possible, but Lurch is even uglier now! In fact, Kerry has actually taken a small lead over Henry Waxman as the ugliest man in the United States Congress.
Who (or what) is to blame? It’s been described as a hockey accident, but that could be an errant puck (and you outta see the puck; oy vey!); a self-induced Kerry face plant into the boards, the ice, a guy’s elbow, or his own stick; a humble skate-lacing mishap (strangulation was narrowly avoided?); or even being run over by an
illegal unlicensed undocumented Zamboni driver. Or did he really just come up short in a battle royale with Theresa in their own private octagon?
Next, we’ll wait for the Kerry wig to blow off on a jaunty Segway ride and then for the made-in-Cambodia choppers (and don’t do anything without a mouth guard, Johnny) to get knocked out in a rousing, yet regrettable, putt-putt golf mishap.
Finally, how to best describe Kerry? Are we’re talking Franken-weenie, Lurchenstein, or the lead in the second most famous zombie movie of all time, The Night of the Walking Brain Dead?