Religious Concerns Should Be Waved Away

(Note: if you must, read the original here)

By Eugenics Robinson

WASHINGTON — At ease, secular soldiers: the “war on religion” and the assault on the Catholic Church are no big deal. After all, a faith that has endured for a couple of thousand years should be able to survive the current administration, right?

And speaking of religion, it never occurred to me to evaluate the Grammy Awards on its theology (which is, as I like to say, their worship of the almighty dollar), so I’m amused at the not-really-that-over-the-top “exorcism” Minaj performed Sunday night. The hip-hop artist–like the guys at Subway are sandwich artists–writhed and cavorted like a copperhead on a charcoal grill while mocking Christian iconography. She is unfairly accused of anti-Catholic bigotry and is now seen as a combatant in the escalating “war on religion” being waged by “secular progressives” and “atheists,” which have become synonyms for “Democrats.” (To the progressive reader: please note my use of multiple sneer/scare quotes in the last paragraph. Good, eh?)

I think folks like Minaj are just like me after four highballs: lacking a coherent point to make, we tend to end up with full fledged idiocy or sometimes, shock value. Or, maybe both.

Among the loudest voices complaining are those despicable Republican presidential candidates who want to poison your food supply, your air, and your drinking water. But guess who they blame for the attack on all God-fearing Americans? Hint: his initials are Barack Obama and he almost got in trouble four years ago as a presidential candidate despite being a regular church-goer (they said it was his Looney Tunes preacher, a charge never really well proven).

But so what if President Obama is indeed waging a war on religion? It could be worse: we could have a President Mitt Romney who claimed last week at the Conservative Political Action Conference that he would rescind every Obama regulation that attacks religious liberty.

Or Newt Gingrich, who said at CPAC that Obama plans to “wage abortion” on the Catholic Church if he is re-elected and that those who don’t see this coming are not familiar with the President’s real character. Apparently, the real Obama, like Punxsutawney Phil, is about to come out of hiding any day now but say what you will, he is a man of principle and will never make women unhealthy by keeping them from their abortions.

But I think it is Rick Santorum who takes the cake by saying that secular humanists and atheists are attempting to take “faith and crushing it.” That is of course, absurd. Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Environmentalists are all welcome in the Obama White House. Consider, more specifically, what Santorum went on to say:

“When you marginalize faith in America, when you remove the pillar of God-given rights, then what’s left is… a government that gives you rights. What’s left are no unalienable rights. What’s left is a government that will tell you who you are, what you’ll do and when you’ll do it… Ladies and gentlemen, we’re a long way from that, but if we follow the path of President Obama and his overt hostility to faith in America, then we are headed down that road.”

Wow. No one I know would vote for this man, so how is it that he’s even a viable candidate?

Just how has Obama’s “hostility to faith in America” manifested itself? Obama issued a rule requiring church-owned and church-run institutions to cover abortions and contraceptives which are not accepted by Catholic doctrine. Obama, in a display of bipartisan (that is, secularists and atheists) leadership marginally altered the rule in an attempt to placate a bunch of Catholic bishops who wear funny hats who then responded by declaring themselves implacable on issues of Catholic doctrine. Their arrogance is simply stunning.

In his speech at the annual National Prayer Breakfast, Obama attempted to please his audience by reading New Testament scripture from his teleprompter in an attempt to argue for economic and social justice. Conservatives blasted him for misrepresenting the Bible and ignoring its context (while conceding that his reading skills are often exemplary).

So is Obama fighting a war against Christianity? Of course not: I am sure he will want at least some of their votes.

Romney and Gingrich, however, are just cynically pandering to religious conservatives, something the President would never do. Santorum, may be sincere in his beliefs, but I doubt it. Still, I don’t think a Christian worldview is an appropriate philosophy for a U.S. presidential candidate to espouse, much less a winning platform to run on.

The Founders decided to institutionalize freedom of religion and the President has more wisely seen fit to have the church fall under the purview of the state. And all those references to God, the Creator, and Divine Providence in the Declaration of Independence? Simply typographical errors according to the White House Press Office.

Within our governmental framework, religion has thrived, so more needs to be done to increase secular strength. No other large industrialized nation has nearly so many regular churchgoers as does the United States, a shame the administration is trying to change. Even though faith survives Nicki Minaj’s burlesque at the Grammys, we people most fair and objective, the media, will try and do our share to ridicule any attempts by Republicans to bring attention to the so-called “war on religion.”


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on February 15, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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