Tiger Woods: Navy Seal?

gunnerLaugh your guts out at this howler: Tiger Woods almost quit golf to become Navy SEAL.

That’s as believable as Tom Cruise almost quit acting to become a nuclear physicist.

The most heinous quote from the above link comes from Woods’ former coach (and it would appear, current sycophant) Hank Haney.

I thought, Wow, here is Tiger Woods, greatest athlete on the planet, maybe the greatest athlete ever, right in the middle of his prime, basically ready to leave it all behind for a military life.

Mr. Haney, please (and by the way, are you the Mr. Haney from Green Acres?): jokes are supposed to be funny.

Greatest athlete on the planet? Greatest athlete ever?! Woods is the 21st rated golfer in the world today (and with a bullet going the wrong way at that). Are you really a clandestine Nike publicist working at the gum-free Nike campus?

A better, but more wordy, headline would read Tiger Woods Fantasized About Being a Navy SEAL, Thought Better and Kept the Good Life.

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on February 29, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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