Got Disability?

From Bill Frezza at Forbes:

Under changes proposed by Obama’s Labor Department, 7 percent of a company’s employees will soon have to qualify as disabled if the company hopes to continue doing business with the federal government. “What gets measured gets done,” Patricia Shiu, director of the Labor Department’s Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs, told The Wall Street Journal. “And we’re in the business of getting things done.”

The proposed regulations would go well beyond the “reasonable accommodations” and workplace access requirements called for in the Americans with Disabilities Act. They would impose, for the first time, numerical reporting and hiring quotas on employers.

There’s more.

Thanks to two decades of litigation, covered handicaps now include not just physical limitations that can be objectively observed or documented by a physician, but behavioral handicaps like alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, ADHD, dyslexia, emotional disturbance, and a panoply of mental illnesses.

The good news is the President, who will want to continue to do business with the government, is the smartest man ever (this is evidenced by his unreleased standardized test scores, grades, and academic papers). His self-evident skills and abilities will be balanced out in the White House by Vice President Joe Biden (shown at right, answering a media query regarding the size of the federal debt), whose plagiarism and always-on-display brain damage, according to a Labor Department ruling, both qualify as disabilities.

Attorney General Rodney Holder is also thought to be 100% disabled as well.

About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on March 6, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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