Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius

Background: cue Real Men of Genius music soundtrack

Narrator: Bud Light presents Real Men of Genius

Singer: Real Men of Genius

Narrator: Today we salute you mister super rational atheist man.

Singer: Mister super rational atheist man.

Narrator: you beat on appeals to emotion like a rented mule, mishandle logic and evidence as if you were an investigator in the JonBenet Ramsey case, and build straw men like they’re eligible for the President’s green energy subsidies.

Singer: my Mom says that, too.

Narrator: and even though your arguments normally end with ideas like “Something came from nothing and for no reason” and “Aliens brought life here,” you manage to deliver these with a straight face and edgy hip sophistication.

Singer: Jon Stewart digs me.

Narrator: you stamp “reason” on everything you say while you reject history, possess the internal coherence of an oxymoron, and endorse a faith-based belief in unbelief. What, skipped that freshman philosophy class?

Singer: them classes fill fast.

Narrator: you propose to empirically demonstrate the truth of your ideas which can’t be demonstrated. Have you thought that one all the way through?

Singer: I make my own terms.

Narrator: all done to… what? Make you feel better about yourself?

Singer: feelin’ good’s my true call.

Narrator: so crack open an ice cold Bud Light and toast yourself, oh homeboy of the humanists, because your ideas have as much explanatory power as your perpetual motion machine.

Singer: Mister super rational atheist man.

Narrator: Anheuser Busch, Saint Louis, Missouri.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on March 23, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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