Real Men of Genius: Mister new taxes on millionaires and billionaires Man

Background: cue Real Men of Genius music soundtrack

Narrator: Bud Light presents Real Men of Genius

Singer: Real Men of Genius

Narrator: Today we salute you mister new taxes on millionaires and billionaires man.

Singer: Mister new taxes on millionaires and billionaires man.

Narrator: You named a tax rule after the guy who may be America’s worst crony capitalist, say more tax will somehow grow the economy, and managed to ignore the 30 years of growth following the Reagan tax cuts.

Singer: But I hear this polls well.

Narrator: And even though your economic ideas are limited to thoughts like Let me decide how to spread the wealth around, Trust the government do your thinking, and America sure sucked before I became President, you manage to read these profound statements with a nice shoeshine, a neat crease in your trousers, and a smile.

Singer: Well I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here.

Narrator: You stamp deficit reduction, fairness, and economic growth on all your calls for more taxes, but didja ever think that it was government who grew the deficit to begin with?

Singer: Love mother earth and father government.

Narrator: Your Treasury Secretary didn’t even pay his taxes until his confirmation hearing, you have 36 current staffers owing eight hundred thousand to the IRS, and you managed to dodge the taxes on forty-eight thousand bucks by giving it to your kids. Nice.

Singer: Do as I say.

Narrator: And the whole thing is done to try and get you re-elected. What, you don’t think cool slogans like hope-n-change, win the future, the summer of recovery, or the war on women will carry the day in the face of 12 percent unemployment, a fifteen-plus trillion dollar deficit, GDP growth of less than two percent, and five dollar a gallon gas?

Singer: I do have my doubts.

Narrator: So crack open an ice cold Bud Light and toast yourself, oh tutor of the ten-forty, because your tax initiative is more than just a few boxes short of a palate; it’s a whole palate short of a palate.

Singer: Mister new taxes on millionaires and billionaires man.

Narrator: Anheuser Busch, Saint Louis, Missouri


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on April 16, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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