Margaret Carlson: witless white woman

Margaret Carlson is a traditional media liberal, a non-mensch chipmunk. What does she have going for her?

Appearance-wise, she’s somewhat like Dorothy Hamill only without the cuteness, Katie Couric without the blonde (or the Photoshop), and possessing a smile that makes Greta Van Susteren look almost normal. Believe me, if you’ve seen Carlson on television, you know that’s a glamour shot at the right.

As a writer, Carlson often goes for the snark; she’s similar to Maureen Dowd only even less interesting (although better thought out, imagine that).

Finally, as a thinker, Carlson displays the depth of intellect of former CNN news reader Rick Sanchez. Well, maybe not quite that bad, but close. But as Meatloaf might sing, oh outta three ain’t good.

So is it surprising that Carlson’s written a column entitled Rob Portman: The Best of the Boring White Guys (BWG in Carlson-speak)?

As a BWG, Portman has a resume that bespeaks steady, incremental progress up the political ladder. Member of Congress? Check, in both chambers. White House official? Check. Cabinet-level experience? Check.

Those last two are especially important for Portman. Under George W. Bush, he served as U.S. trade representative, which along with speaking Spanish learned while working on a border ranch with Mexican cowboys, helps with the foreign-policy requirement. And as director of the Office of Management and Budget, he advised Bush to issue his first spending vetoes. BWGs don’t spend money they don’t have.

Ah, Carlson discovers, he’s a competent and capable boring white guy! But then things take a turn for the absurd:

Aside from the obvious fact that he is African-American, President Barack Obama is a BWG…

That’s where the wheels fall off Carlson’s intellectual tricycle: Obama was inexperienced at every level of government, drank the kool aid of Saul Alinsky, Bill Ayers, “social justice,” and black liberation theology, and spent taxpayer money he didn’t have in a way that made drunken sailors look stingy. Obama’s policies have been an American tragedy, writ large.

If only Barry Oh! was as boring, competent, capable, and experienced as Rob Portman.

I like dreamin’ of a competent Administration.

About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on May 16, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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