Why are so many of Obama’s records sealed?

Why are so many of Obama’s records sealed?

Simple: if they were unsealed they would (or could, if properly investigated) reflect poorly on him.

For example:

  • As a student the following concerns might be in play: Obama’s college admission was a result of affirmative action and was not based on merit; he could have claimed to be a foreigner in order to receive additional diversity bonus points (as if Elizabeth Warren had claimed to be from India as well as claiming to be an Indian) or to benefit from receiving financial aid set asides for foreigners; poor ACT/SAT scores; poor GPA; non-rigorous course of study; sophomoric papers; student discipline may have been imposed for misbehavior or academic ineptness. Of course, all these could be embarrassing to both Obama and to the schools he attended.
  • Selective service registration: perhaps Obama didn’t register per Selective Service deadlines? Or there was somehow a “problem” with his Social Security number? He was living outside the United States when he registered? It’s difficult to speculate on this one because the form itself is quite benign.
  • Medical records: his records might reveal signs of far more serious drug use than he’s admitted to; Obama might have had embarrassing treatment for one or more sexually transmitted disease; might have a serious medical concern which could affect his ability to perform presidential duties, for example, brain-damage.
  • Illinois State Senate records: never did anything useful; was frequently absent and took his duties lightly, etc.
  • Law client list: Obama may have done work, to include pro bono work, for embarrassing clients like William Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn, Tony Rezko, Jeremiah Wright, the ACLU, the New Black Panther Party, Communist Party USA, unions of all sorts, etc. The work itself could also be embarrassing: late-term abortion “rights,” purging Christianity from the public sphere, pro-homosexual marriage work, “harassment” lawsuits against broadly accepted and appreciated institutions (taxpayers, churches, the NRA, Wal-Mart, businesses of all sorts, Salvation Army, etc.).
  • Baptism record: didn’t use the name he now goes by, adding to voter confusion as to just who this person really is.
  • Birth certificate: might reveal Obama was stillborn, born brain-dead, or that despite protestations to the contrary, that his birth was not the result of immaculate conception.

The above speculation is representative, but cannot be considered all-inclusive.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on May 21, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

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