Obama’s 2012 Choom Gang

The Barry bong-lips of old is starting to get some of the attention he deserves. Here are a few of his “high” lights:

1. The Choom Gang: back in the day, Obama’s gang loved to get high and play basketball. Today the Administration gang—especially the Commander in Chief and the Treasury and Justice Departments—only appear stoned and have endorsed golf as the sport of choice.

2. Total absorption: Barry Oh! would try and maximize the effect of his cannabis through a process called total absorption. Today Obama is into total self-absorption.

3. Roof hits: Obama and his stoner friends would try and suck any lingering cannabis smoke from the ceiling of their vehicle, something they called roof hits. Today Barry cleverly orders CIA drone hits so as to avoid overcrowding at Guantanamo Bay (a problem created by George W. Bush).

4.  Penalties: Barry Oh! and his band of Harry Pottheads would impose a no-next-hit penalty for those who failed to most fully absorb the effect of the cannabis. Today Barry and his Capital Gang threaten to impose regulatory, EPA, IRS, and criminal penalties on anyone who fails to embrace his agenda.

5. The Choomwagon: Barry and the bongheads used a VW van for transportation to and from important events, such as getting high. Today the President uses Air Force One to spread the gospel of class envy while simultaneously driving America towards bankruptcy.

6. Interceptions: Obama would cut in line to claim extra cannabis puffs for himself. Today, he does the same thing.

7. Slippers: the spliif squad would “slip” past the no trespassing signs to find their way to healing bong waters of the Aku Ponds. In 2008, Barry and his friends “slipped” one past many Americans by leading them to think he would be a reasonable, capable, and responsible socialist.

8. Ray the Dealer was useful to the future Preezy of the United Steezy because he could score quality weed. Today Barry has Reid the Non-Dealer, a man whose Senate majority has not produced a federal budget for three years.

9. Pumping Stations: the ganja gang would park at the pumping stations, crank up the classic rock and fire up their Hawaiian bud, washing it down with “green bottle beer.” Today the President knows his maladroit murmurings can be washed away with a simple beer-pong summit or alternatively, be pumped away from the public eye by the traditional media.

10. Veto: whenever someone in Barry’s pot patrol had an idea that was not universally received, a member could could hold up his hand in the V sign to indicate the motion had been vetoed. Today, disagreement with the Obama regime is considered divisive and unpatriotic.

11. Maui Wowie, Kauai Electric, Puna Bud And Kona Gold: in the Hawaii of Barry’s youth, people grew and smoked pot like it had been decriminalized. Today Barry’s DOJ crew incarcerates on medical marijuana while ignoring Congressional oversight on life-and-death events like Fast and Furious.

12. The barf couch: by the time Barry made it to college, he had turned himself into something of a bar rag, that is, he sops up the booze. This was seen in collegial loss-of-consciousness events where he narrowly voided choking to death on his own Obamavomit. Today Obamanomics has made America economically ill, Obamacare makes us sick, and the Obama Doctrine makes us weak.

Obama watchers everywhere have to be eagerly awaiting the release of Barry Oh’s! SAT and LSAT scores, as well as his transcripts.

Or in an attempt at total absorption, they may instead be left holding their collective breath.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on May 27, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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