Advice for Fox News

My advice to “The Five” show at Fox News is simple: get rid of wide-body Democrat spokesman Bob Beckel. He’s not a discusser, he’s a defender; he’s not an analyst, he’s an advocate.

Sadly, I suppose that may actually be what Fox wants given that they 1) have him under contract, 2) need to generate tension, and 3) have a huge amount of time to fill every day (along with the other cable news channels.

Beckel’s shtick is house Democrat, wide-body, suspender-wearer. I’m surprised he doesn’t have a bow tie. Good advice in general (there are exceptions) is this: don’t trust a man with a bow tie (unless he’s wearing a tux). Generally, it’s some sort of cry for help.

Every time I surf over to Fox and the aforementioned whale of a Democrat is on—much like Obama SuperPCA-man Paul “Baby” Beluga Begala at CNN—I find something less annoying to watch.

Or maybe Fox could get John Goodman to play Beckel. While Goodman may be just as liberal as Beckel, he’s far more likable.

And by the way, where’s the government program to battle adult obesity?

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on June 27, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. YouShutUP@Yahoo.com

    Beckel is pathetic. I honestly actually try to understand him and realize he is just a jumble of incoherent thoughts interspersed with a high number of mumbles and grunts. Rarely can he finish a sentence without jumbling his thoughts that are irrational most times. The only things the guy says clearly are the names he calls everyone every time he speaks. I just call him mush mouth who is angry and good at name calling. I honestly think he doesnt have the slightest clue about why he is angry but he knows who his enemies are.

  2. Maurice Brown

    You are mixing together 2 facts:

    – Beckel is sn outspoken supporter of the Democrats; and
    – Becktel is “wide-bodied”.

    Is one fact the cause of the other?

    I think not.

    Attack Bechtel for his politicsl views, if you wish; but to attack him becsuse he appears to be over-weight, is inappropriate. You do not know the cause of his physical size and you have over-stepped the line of courteous discourse.

    That’s as I see it.

    • I don’t know why he’s a wide-body, just that he is. I don’t know why he’s a liberal, just that he is. I don’t know why he was an alcoholic, just that he was. Such are the mysteries of life and yet I think that his ability to choose is reflected in his body, mind, and behaviors.

      • Maurice Brown

        I don’t know the man, but certainly i find his ‘ideas’ very wrong; you may be right to link the three characteristics (liberalism, obesity and alcoholism); just remember that, if this is so, he may have three times the personsl guilt to bear; disagree with him, if you will, but please don’t be so judgemental.
        Or is the flaw in your logic, intrinsic to satire?

      • I guess if you find Beckel’s ideas very wrong, that implies that there is objective truth and perhaps we could then agree some things are simply objectively better than others. I am of the opinion that all other things being equal, it’s better to be a normal weight (unless you’re an NFL lineman or a bouncer or maybe a few other such jobs). I also believe personal choice and behavior is normally the overwhelming determinant of a person’s weight. Rush Limbaugh is a chunk as well, but I generally agree with him and enjoy his show when I can catch it. While that’s judgmental and preferential–I have judged that I prefer Rush to Beckel–I’m not sure that’s a flaw in my logic. If it somehow is, please forgive.

      • All is forgiven – and enjoyed. 🙂

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