Biden targets—and relates to—new voting bloc

(Chicago, PMNS)

joe being joePresident Obama’s handlers are looking forward to the upcoming vice-presidential debates, in part to change the subject away from the President’s listless Denver performance against rival Mitt Romney, and in part to release their new secret weapon, VP Joe Biden.

Biden, Democrat operatives say, will be specifically targeting a newly identified voting bloc which has been found via statistical analysis and voting trends. Traditionally this bloc of individuals, described by pollsters as “sharp as a marble” (SAAM) voters, has voted Democrat about 85 percent of the time. The general idea, strategists said, is to use Biden to get the remaining 15 percent of SAAM voters who are generally thought to have voted Republican by mistake.

“Joe gives us a serious leg-up with SAAM voters because, well, because he’s only sharp as a marble himself,” said Democrat strategist David Axelrod. “His mentally impaired shtick is no act—it’s the real thing and it’s bound to affect that 15 percent we’ve somehow failed to historically pick up.” 

Democrat campaign officials also hope the VP’s genial, simple-minded demeanor will place Republican challenger Paul Ryan off balance, especially given that Biden will almost certainly be authorized by the Administration to unleash any and all required free-lunch promises needed to secure all SAAM voters, including free-health care, Chevy Volts, food stamps, and, of course, the popular Obamaphones. Look forward to flying sparks—and from Biden, flying spittle—from the Thursday night debate to be held at Centre College in Danville, Kentucky.

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on October 7, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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