Weeping and gnashing of teeth: Lance Armstrong’s fans and sponsors

Given the USADA data dump of their case against disgraced former cycling champion Lance Armstrong, how long is it before he gets this phone call?

Caller: Lance, this is Phil Knight. We’ve, uh, well, this is a little uncomfortable, but we’ve decided to put a lien on your estate for $127 million as it seems you may have violated the terms of your contract. Have your people get in touch with our people. Cheers.


Then will come the similar calls from Radio Shack, USPS, Motorola, Anheuser-Busch, Trek, Oakley, et al.

Advice for all of us: don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Advice for Lance: remember the strategy of beloved ex-president William Jefferson Clinton–settle, settle, settle.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on October 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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