New Dem Debate Plan Will Assure A Win

(Washington DC, PMNS)

After the debacle in Denver where most observers felt Mitt Romney decisively defeated President Obama and the subsequent vice presidential debates where Joe Biden perhaps eked out a tie on substance and lost handily on style, many discouraged Democrat insiders were at a loss as to how to regain the campaign momentum they so desire heading into the general election.

Senior strategist David Axelrod seems to think he’s found the way, an unconventional approach that adds an additional debate between Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden while dropping the last two scheduled presidential debates between Mr. Romney and Mr. Obama.

A senior campaign advisor not authorized to speak on the record said, “The President clearly got caught with his pants down. Joe turned himself into a weapon of mass interruption and looked like a freak. So instead of any more of that, we’re going to cancel the last two presidential debates and instead have the President and Mr. Biden debate each another. We thing this is certain to create a Democrat debate win of some sort, drive a lot of media buzz, and get back on track.”

The advisor added, “On top of a sure Obama-Biden debate win of some sort, cancelling the last two presidential debates also removes the possibility of another beat-down by Mitt Romney, something we need to avoid at all costs.” The Romney camp is said to be livid at the change in plans.

Some feel Mr. Biden may defer to the President at their debate. Earpieces and teleprompters will be allowed for the President, who may also benefit from the use of an “applause track, a laughter track, and a groan track” he can use at any time. Finally, the event will be moderated by Mr. Axelrod himself. Although the deck seems stacked against Mr. Biden, most think he has a reasonable chance against Mr. Obama unless he decides to tank.

Debate locations are being scouted—Washington DC’s Kennedy Center seems to be a favored site—and the timing of the debate will almost certainly be sometime in the last week of October.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on October 13, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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