Southern Poverty Law Center places itself on its own ‘hate groups’ list

(Montgomery AL, PMNS)

In an unusual move, the Southern Poverty Law Center has placed itself on its own controversial ‘hate groups’ list. The listing was seen by SPLC President Harvey Cattledike as one needed to bolster his organization’s fading credibility and by others as required to move back into the public eye. In conjunction with the listing, the group is also releasing a new t-shirt (seen at right) and media campaign.

“We, the board and I, went back and looked at our meeting minutes and public statements and made the determination that we clearly met the essential characteristics of what we call a hate group,” Cattledike said. “These include closed-mindedness, idiotic thinking, thought crimes, being out of touch, hate, and parental abandonment issues.” Cattledike did not say what prompted the review but SPLC watchers suggested it might be related to federal funding.

One board member not cleared to speak publicly said, “Look. We’re something of a misnomer since we aren’t really interested in mitigating poverty, we receive most all our funding from sources outside the south, and we have no lawyers who’ve passed the bar and only one paralegal on the whole staff. While we’ve had good success in judge shopping on certain cases, we’ve been pretty much rudderless—and clueless—in the post-Civil Rights era, going on fifty years now. We need something to get ourselves back in the headlines and furthermore, it isn’t like we’re unqualified to be called a hate group… we are, and very much so.”

In a public statement e-mailed to the media, SPLC spokesperson Jill Botswana-Anthony said, “The SPLC has made the list of SPLC hate groups. We hope we will be watched by Homeland Security, law enforcement, and the intelligence community, creating good jobs for the region and more work for grant-writers everywhere. At minimum, we hope to create tension and if fully successful, we may even give birth to hate, possibly even shootings, which will stimulate the medical and professional grievance industries. The SLPC will continue to push for fair affirmative action and racial preferences, for justice as we see it, for hate, and for our continued existence.”

The controversial SPLC, viewed in unfavorable terms within the south, by people of poverty, and by the legal community itself, will soon see if their strategy is working with the upcoming round of Congressional discussions regarding public funding for “obscure and unhelpful groups.” Normally the SPLC’s federal funding would be at risk due to the so-called fiscal cliff, but by Executive Order, President Obama placed the funding for all obscure and unhelpful groups (including the SPLC, ACORN, any organization with the word “green” or “public” or the letters “U” or “E” in it, and community organizers) outside the normal budget sequestration process. Hearings are scheduled to begin after the Thanksgiving recess.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on November 13, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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