Why Rob Parker went full retard

Rob Parker, why so full retard?

Why did ESPN talking head Rob Parker go full retard with regard to RG III, AKA Bobby Three Sticks, AKA Robert Griffin III?

First, let’s take a step back and look at what Parker said:

“Is he a brother, or is he a cornball brother,” Parker asked. “I keep hearing these things. We all know he has a white fiancée. There was all this talk about he’s a Republican.”

Parker’s questioning of whether or not RGIII was “one of us” even made Stephen A. Smith a little squeamish.

Well, there’s much to unpack here. Since Broncobama has a white mother, what’s that make him? This really brings into question whether Barry is down with the cause (whatever the cause is). And if Steven A. Smith is the voice a reason, is that an indication of how far ESPN has fallen? But back to the topic at hand, that is, what explains Parker’s racist idiocy?

First, ESPN has multiple channels and a lot of air time to fill, leading to fools like Parker getting an opportunity in the first place. So is it ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports or is it ESPN, looking for eyeballs at any cost/show me the money, or perhaps ESPN, often wrong but never in doubt? Answer: yes.

Next, sports reporting is a low form of “journalism.” As evidence, consider the usual suspects, Bob Costas, Peter King, Jay Mariotti, Steven A. Smith, Skip Bayless, Peter Gammons, Jason “Nit” Whitlock, Rick Riley, et al. There are exceptions (Joe Posnanski) that prove the rule, but the rule is the rule.

Third, Andy Warhol was a prophet. Parker needed his fifteen minutes of fame.

Finally, there’s a flagrant double standard coming from the left (politicos, media-types, other “elites”) which simply doesn’t demand that one of their own be condemned for idiotic behavior. This double standard keeps people like Parker from suffering the consequences of their idiocy. Are sports “journalists” generally on the left? Of course. They’re a reflection of the media world from which they’re drawn from (and drawn to).

Consider the non-sports flip side. Tea Party non-riots and peaceful demonstrations? An outrageous fascist disgrace! Union thugs committing felonies in Michigan or Wisconsin? Crickets.

Is Parker really a good man who just lost his way for a moment? Doubtful. Is he a bomb-throwing pseudo-provocateur who accidently revealed more of his personal thoughts than he intended? More probable. Just like Sean Penn, 2001, in I am Sam.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on December 14, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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