Bob Costas question of the day

beer meAbout six weeks ago, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher shot his girlfriend nine times and later turned the gun on himself. Bob Costas said if Jovan Belcher hadn’t had a gun—that is, if there were only more gun control laws—both Belcher and his girlfriend would be alive today.

It’s really impossible to say one way or another. For example, the Costas assertion may be true in part: Belcher might instead have beaten his girlfriend to death with Belcher remaining alive (beating yourself to death is a much more difficult task). Or Belcher still could have offed himself in any other number of conventional ways: drug overdose, car crash, hanging, monoxide poisoning, etc..

Now it comes out that Belcher’s blood-alcohol level was twice the level of legal intoxication at the time of his autopsy (and it was likely far higher when he committed his crimes). I’m shocked, shocked.

Could Costas suggest that if Belcher hadn’t been drinking, both he and his girlfriend would be alive today? Or that we need more drug control and more alcohol control?

Yes, Costas could suggest such a thing. But don’t hold your breathalyzer; remember who writes most of the checks.

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on January 15, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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