President Obama declares White House to be a “bug free zone”

(Washington, PMNS)

superflyPresident Obama today declared the White House to be a “bug free zone” in accordance with the World Health Organization’s global “Kill a Bug for Good Health” day.

The President offered the following additional comments related to the initiative:

Together, I determined that a modern economy requires wind-powered railroads and highways for travel and commerce, schools and colleges to train government workers, and no bugs.

Together, I discovered that a free market only thrives when there are rules to ensure state-sanctioned outcomes and freedom from bugs and other unwanted creatures, including Republicans.

Together, I resolved that a great nation must care for the vulnerable, and protect its people from life’s challenges and unwanted bugs.

Through it all, I have never relinquished our skepticism of capitalism and free markets, nor have I succumbed to the idea that all society’s ills can be cured through government alone even though they can. My celebration of initiative and enterprise, my insistence on hard work and personal responsibility, unless exempted by Presidential waiver, these are the constants I direct to be present in our character. That and no bugs.

But I have always understood that when times change, so must everyone; that fidelity to our founding principles paradoxically requires no fidelity; that preserving our individual freedoms ultimately requires collective action and that this collective action will give us freedom from bugs.

Thank you.

The President seemed undisturbed by the presence of the fly on his face as he spoke.

Following the ceremony, the President departed the Rose Garden for indoctrination on the Senate’s new gun control proposals. He was accompanied to his indoctrination by former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel who was in town for Mr. Obama’s second term inauguration.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Fort Wayne Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on January 24, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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