The language of politics

obey1Politics has its own special language. It isn’t any of the six official languages of the United Nations, rather, it’s Orwellian.

How so?

The “global war on terror” became the “overseas contingency operation.”

“Terrorism” became “spontaneous video protest” and “man-made disasters.”

We are in a recovery” means “GDP is shrinking.”

“Government funded” has superseded “taxpayer funded” or “deficit funded.”

“Bitter clingers” means “disagrees with me.”

I did not have sexual relations with that woman” means “I had sexual relations with that woman.”

“Austerity” means “spending more.”

“Free press” means “lapdog media.”

“Hope and change” is really “search and destroy.”

Skeet shooting all the time” means “don’t know which end of a gun to hold.”

“Collective action” means “unilateral action.”

“Free market” means “government picks winners and losers.”

“We have never relinquished our skepticism of central authority” can be understood as “relinquish your skepticism of my authority.”

“Fidelity to our founding principles” should be translated as “non-fidelity to our founding principles.”

We haven’t gotten to war is peace, freedom is slavery, or ignorance is strength—yet—but we’re close.

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on January 31, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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