Most transparent Administration ever
Dear Reader has returned from another most-glorious state-sponsored vacation where for the sake of the people, he provided most-excellent stimulation to our still-fragile economy.
He did so by having the Air Force buy thousands of gallons of jet fuel, by offering housing, feeding, per diem, escort services, and rental cars to an army of Secret Service types and advance teams, and by playing golf with Tiger Woods.
Dear Reader earned this most glorious vacation, his first of five planned for the first half of this year, by working tirelessly to advance the agenda of the American people. The American people are wisely now demanding skyrocketing fuel prices, reduced freedoms, more gun restrictions, increased health care costs, decreased gross domestic product, cancellation of the pending sequester, and more federal spending per Dear Leader’s most-wonderful plans.
According to a White House press release, Dear Reader was said to beat Mr. Woods, a well-known golfing and sexting champion, by an average of more than one stroke per hole. Sadly, the President’s golf scorecard has been hermetically sealed and is unavailable for public viewing. Were the scorecard available, it would be praised by the very sun and moon for its wonderment and high-awesomeness!
Media members who depend on their access to Dear Reader for their wisdom are said to be unhappy with their lack of quality time at the feet of the glorious President. However, via a release of psychic energy (and as delivered by the President’s glorious messenger boy), Dear Reader read the following to them: “Let there be no mistake. Those who ask us to choose between two good things may mean well but we don’t need perpetual war unless it’s being performed by honorable homosexual men or by drones or by the women of SEAL Team Six. For all must do the will of the people, which is also my will.” Following these inspiring words, the media vowed to redouble their efforts to help America understand Dear Reader’s brilliance and his inherent goodness.
Dear Reader and his glorious staff are now preparing another glorious speech for the benefit of the American people who will gloriously receive it. In the speech, the President will offer his wisdom regarding the dangers of those who don’t pay their way and who try and free-ride on the efforts of others.
The next glorious state sponsored vacation with beneficial economic stimulation for the hard-working and most-favored Dear Reader will be in Las Vegas and will take place from the week before St. Patrick’s Day until the week following. This next glorious vacation event will reward Dear Reader’s faithful and untiring efforts for the people.
(Joy Acton-Carney and Philip Xerxes-Smith of the PMNS Pyongyang translation enclave helped cut and paste this article.)