The wit and wisdom of Bill O’Reilly

Bill O’Reilly is a pompous and unbearable ass. And given this fundamental state of being, here are the top ten reasons not to love Bill O’Reilly:

  1. He thinks calling orthodox Christians “Bible thumpers” isn’t derogatory. (He may also think the “N” word isn’t derisive).
  2. He has a child-like childish manner.
  3. His writers kindly place his monologue on the screen so he can read it (just like Barack Obama).
  4. He possesses the human warmth of Hillary Clinton, the analytical skills of Dan Rather, and the good looks of Lyle Lovett.
  5. He knows listening is not a communication skill but that endless self-promotion is.
  6. He believes that he who talks loudest and longest is a leader.
  7. Just like Barack Obama, his name appears as “author” on the dust-jacket of popular books.
  8. His medications seem to be in a constant state of unbalance.
  9. His guests are on strict orders to shut up when he begins to speak; his show is 15 minutes of content jammed into an hour.
  10. He boat-anchors otherwise interesting people like Laura Ingram and Dennis Miller.

On the other hand, O’Reilly is often correct on basic issues. Are such events random successes?

Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here…

About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on April 4, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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