Food stamp alchemy will save America!

From the Washington Post comes the story of a food stamp recruiter.

Yes, a food stamp recruiter: someone who is paid to sign people up for food stamps.

And from a modest government pro-food stamp brochure comes the profound, even magical, secret to reviving our moribund economy:

“Every $5 in SNAP [AKA food stamps] generates $9.20 for the local economy.”

Yes, the magic multiplier, the secret to our economic recovery and eternal wellbeing, is the simple yet profound observation that $5 of federal taxpayer spending and/or borrowing creates $9.20 for the local economy.

As such, a Krugman-like solution to our current economic condition is simple: sign every American up for food stamps and we will reap almost twice the cost of our spending.

And thus, the miracles of the Bible are made to appear modest vis-à-vis the miracles of the economic scientism practiced by our leading thinkers. (Some, sadly, seem to disagree. Thankfully our enlightened leadership has accurately placed them into the “bitter clinger” category.)

Someday, hopefully soon, the carbon tax as a national-level value-added program will likely provide similar results… as it did with the President’s stimulus.


About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on April 24, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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