Barack Obama as Michael Bloomberg

Michael Bloomberg is notorious for wanting to protect us… from ourselves… at any cost (to us, of course, not to him). It’s for your own good, is Bloomberg’s sometimes hidden message that he passively-aggressively bleats to us, often with profound exasperation.

Barack Obama is basically a better spoken, bi-racial version of the same man and more and more people are starting to understand this. And they don’t like it.

On Friday, President Obama spoke to us about surveillance as though we were precocious children. He proceeded as if widespread objections to his policies can be dispatched like a parent answers an eight-year-old who has formally protested her bedtime. He is so proud that we’ve matured enough to take an interest in our civil liberties! Why, he used to think just like us when he was younger, and promises to consider our arguments. But some decisions just have to be made by the grownups. Do we know how much he loves us? Can we even imagine how awful he would feel if anything bad ever happened while it was still his job to ensure our safety? *

Ignore the questionable use of “precocious” in the block quote above and concentrate on the main point: like Bloomberg, Obama lives inside a profoundly thick bubble which protects him from the daily toils and troubles of living in the real world. And from within their respective bubbles, both men are able to promulgate decisions that their true minions tend to describe as wise, necessary, mature, thoughtful, compassionate, and the likes. The law of the land? Meh… it means what the ruling class wants it to mean.

$13,000 copper bathtubs? Sorry; for me and not for thee. Rides on military-air for my dog? Come on… you know such things aren’t for ordinary citizens. Why? Because, Mike and Barry said so, that’s why. After all, You people aren’t ready to decide such things for yourselves.

Meanwhile, pro-freedom is not one of the terms commonly used to describe the myriad Bloomberg and/or Obama initiatives.

(It’s a sobering thought to ponder we might actually get the government we deserve.)

And what about that asterisk is the first block quote?

*Alas, Obama-as-daddy-figure isn’t even wise and measured with his heavy-handedness, like Cliff Huxtable. Instead, America is stuck with one of those control-freak dads. It’s as if, instead of the girl in the No Doubt song not being allowed to drive late at night, she can cruise as needed, but with a location tracker. Plus her dad hacking into the email of every boy in her social circle — not that he has time to read most of their private communications, but who knows what might one day come in handy? Did I mention she’s now 31, and tried to get a restraining order, only to have a judge throw out the case because she couldn’t prove dad was still listening?

We used to frequently say, “It’s a free country.” Now, it’s become a Mike Bloomberg/Barry Obama “Do as I say and not as I do” world.

Obey.

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner. I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.

Posted on August 13, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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