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Joe Biden’s epic narcissism

We had Bill Clinton who was a cretin but was not a fool.

We have Barack Obama who is a fool but perhaps not a cretin.

And we have Joe Biden who is a fool and a cretin.

When Biden makes an appearance people pay attention because he’s the “heartbeat away” guy. The fact he’s a mere heartbeat away from the presidency should be high on the all-time most sobering thoughts list.

And here we have Biden, AKA Gaffe Master Flash, attempting to denigrate gun owners because “it’s like driving a Ferrari.” While we all know a Chevy Volt would be the Administration’s preferred ride (after high-speed rail), is there anything wrong with driving a Ferrari?

Meanwhile, consider that Biden lives the Ferrari lifestyle while he possesses a Yugo-like intellect. He travels on the taxpayers’ dime(s) (consider his $585,000 one night stand in Paris), has the Secret Service to tend to his security, and has a massive personal entourage to address his every need. At the same time, a supplicant traditional media forgives every embarrassment as, “That’s just Joe being Joe.”

What we have in Biden is an imperial vice-presidency converging with the traditional liberal “Do as I say and not as I do” lifestyle.

At the same time, in Chicago, law-abiding people are forced to bring a baseball bat to a gun fight. It seems to be true that when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.

Stay sharp, Joe, like a marble.

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Obama challenges Biden for Gaffe Master Flash title

obama fail 4President Obama does a swell job as a public speaker when he: 1) is on a properly functioning teleprompter, and 2) is not constrained to presenting facts.

However, the President’s speaking performances in the last week suggest his staff needs to get him back into his box (or onto a basketball practice court). As it is, rhetorically, Obama is pushing deep into—literally—Biden territory.

Since the traditional media has slept-walked through the last four-plus years and they have the President’s back all they way, they won’t call him on it, but at some point, Dear Media, don’t you get tired of carrying this guy’s bags? Of playing the fool? Of refusing to comment on the fact the emperor has no clothes?

And how does Barry bumble? Let us count the ways:

Remember ‘smartest president ever’? That’s now as laughable as ‘most transparent administration ever.’ (Or ‘smartest vice-president ever.’)

All this as Michelle Obama goes full-gaffe herself and claims to be a single mom. (Except not too many single moms get $10 million in taxpayer money for their vacations.) While it may be a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll, it apparently isn’t a long trip from FLOTUS to FSMOTUS (pronounced fizz-mote-us).

In the meantime, the President may want to pay more attention to his kill list.

It’s enough to make you long for the plainspoken wisdom of Joe Biden.

Whoops… forgot to set the sarcasm font on that last sentence.

Barack Obama: the President who made Jimmy Carter look like John Wayne on national security; who made Bernie Madoff look like Milton Friedman on the economy; who made Joe Stalin look like… ah, drat! (The similes bag just emptied. Had a hole in the bottom, apparently. Still, the problem is nothing a tasty grant from the National Endowment for the Arts—it’s stimulus!—won’t fix.)

Obama part deux will not end well. Just ask Ron Paul or David Stockman.

We’re from the government and we’re here to help

The President just knows that if we could only get more people on “good government jobs,” all would be well in America. Others think he’s mistaken. A few recent and notable chronicles of public service:

We have GaffeMaster Flash spending $1 million a year of other people’s money just for his weekend trips.

There’s The Nanny taking along a police detail—and paying for it with other people’s money—when he vacations in Bermuda… or anywhere else. Oh, and they take their guns—and likely their Big Gulps—naturally. Do as I say and not as I do and all that.

State troopers in Texas perform a full body cavity search on a pair of women. The taxpayers are responsible for both the troopers’ salary and the subsequent lawsuit. The alleged crime driving the requirement for a full body cavity search? Throwing a cigarette out of their vehicle.

Government d-baggers in Colorado (and elsewhere) drive businesses that makes things people want out of state due to the crafting of idiotic laws (with legislatures and governors that match). Remember, Obamacare fully funds any and all libotomies.

Don’t forget EU bureaucrats going all Steve Miller, that is, they take the money and run… for re-election and/or re-appointment. (This is a story about Angela and frau Lagarde, two old people who wanted to go full retard…)

Yes, they’re here from the government, they’re glad to see you, and they’re here to help.

Joe “Gaffe Master Flash” Biden’s intoxication

Joe Biden has a fever and the only cure… is more Joe Biden.

From Politico:

“He’s intoxicated by the idea [of a 2016 presidential run], and it’s impossible not to be intoxicated by the idea,” said a Democrat close to the White House. And the intoxication is hardly new. Officials working on the Obama-Biden campaign last year were struck by how the vice president always seemed to have one eye on a run, including aggressively courting the president’s donors. Obama aides at times had to actively steer Biden to places where he was needed — like Pennsylvania — because he kept asking to be deployed to Iowa, New Hampshire and other early states.

Joe’s intoxicated? I’m shocked, shocked.

That means America should demand an intervention. However, if 2012 is the new voter-intelligence standard, it seems the USA, writ large, will have the greater intervention need.

Biden, if elected, could become our second transcendent president in a row (and the first who is developmentally challenged).

Things that do not go together

There are things that go together (think peanut butter and chocolate) and there are things that do not go together.

Somewhere near the top of the does-not-go-together list (across the board, but as it most currently regards gun control) has to be “Joe Biden” and “brain storming.”

Biden is an inherently unserious man and the fact Obama would choose him to “lead” a task force on government gun control is indicative of the fact Obama is just as unserious. The fact Biden would float the idea that the President could bypass the Constitution with an Executive Order is confirmation of such unseriousness.

Although GaffeMaster Flash clearly has little knowledge of the limits of presidential authority, one might think that his boss, the “Constitutional professor,” would.

Other members of the does-not-go-together Hall of Fame:

  • Hillary Clinton and well-hydrated
  • Chris Christie and low carb
  • Chris Christie and principled fiscal conservative
  • Lance Armstrong and drug-free
  • Jack Lew and honest broker
  • Chuck Hagel and popular Republican politico

Bruce Springsteen and Joe Biden

Bruce Springsteen is a man who sings as if he’s blown-out an o-ring and is inexplicably called ‘The Boss.’ He was once an angsty rock-n-roller; now Springsteen’s been reduced to an aged-out sing-and-raise-money guy for the left. Ah, Glory Days.

Joe Biden is a gaffe-master and is the epitome of why politicos have spokesmen. While Joe often traffics in more than mere gaffes—trending towards drooling idiocy—he remains well-known for accidentally telling the truth.

And it seems Bruce Springsteen has accidentally spoken the truth, ‘freaking out’ over Dear Reader being crushed like a grape during the first debate. If only David Axelrod had pre-briefed Bruce on the party’s approved talking points…

The first term is what freaked me out…

Uncle Joe finally finds truth!

Joe “Heartbeat Away” Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash, has an epiphany (or a Freudian slip):

We’ve never been proud to have him as our president either.

Cafeteria Christianity; Cafeteria Catholicism

Barack Obama is the epitome of cafeteria Christianity while his partner and the Administration’s thought-leader (Joe Biden, not Michelle Obama) is the face of cafeteria Catholicism.

And just as you can pick and choose at a cafeteria, Barry and Joe have picked and chosen.

Traditional Christian and Catholic stances on homosexual marriage, abortion, black-liberation theology, illegitimacy, right and wrong absolutes, and a guilt-free hook-up culture (pre-marital sex, homosexual sex, and extra-marital sex)? On such topics the Administration has de-selected traditional guidance.

On topics like the state stepping in to provide “free” food stamps, Obamaphones, public housing, healthcare, contraception, cash benefits, and high-speed internet, beating our swords into plowshares, turning the other cheek as Americans are murdered in Benghazi, and rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s? With these, Christian and Catholic guidance is claimed.

If you harbor politically incorrect ideas, you’re guilty of one or more self-selected hate/thought crimes. If you want to abort a child, it’s a state-sanctioned issue of personal choice. If you prefer Dr. Pepper over Coke, it’s an issue of personal taste (so long as neither are super-sized). If you prefer homosexual relationships over heterosexual relationships, you were born that way.

Finally, does Mr. Obama think his mother was “punished with a baby”? (Based on his record, America has certainly been so punished…)

P.S.—if a man in a homosexual marriage (or is the term actually an oxymoron?) cheats on his partner, is that adultery? So much to litigate, so little time. And on a related note, is homosexual marriage an invention of the legal community?

Doltin’ Joe Has Left And Gone Away

You may recall the point in the vice presidential debate when Joe Biden told Paul Ryan the House cut $300 million from Embassy Security. It was a naked attempt to blame Ryan for the Administration’s Benghazi debacle that resulted in the murder of four Americans including Ambassador Chris Stevens.

Ryan was stunned and didn’t seem to know what Biden was talking about (there are myriad budget iterations as they move through the appropriations cycle). For an instant, Ryan’s intellect failed, but for good reason it would seem: Biden’s assertion was later revealed to be a lie (and the Bide lies are legion).

That is, in government speak, there was no line for “Embassy Security” in Ryan’s budget blueprint. Ryan’s budget blueprint was a broad attempt to reduce federal nondefense discretionary spending, that is, defense and entitlements would be off the table. And without a line item (called a program element), a program can’t be marked or plussed-up (in more government speak, “marked” is code for being cut; plussed-up is hopefully self-explanatory).

Now to Biden’s embarrassment (should he be capable of such emotion), it turns out the State Department is sitting on $2.2 billion (with a “B”) in unspent funding that’s been programmed for Embassy Security all across the globe. Failing to spend the money you’ve been appropriated is one of the cardinal sins of government program management. And when you’re talking billions, even Cabinet members pay attention.

The more Biden’s debate performance is examined—on substance—the worse it gets. And on style, we’ll be laughing at him (versus with him) for quite a while. In fact, if Biden makes a play for the 2016 nomination, this 2012 VP debate performance will be an enduring millstone around his neck.

This—Benghazi, but the election as well—will not end well for the Administration. Hopefully, Barry and Doltin’ Joe (and the rest of their minions) will leave and go away. And quietly, we hope.

Koo koo ka choo.

Doltin’ Joe has left and gone away? We can only pray and vote…

Update: what Biden was really trying to accomplish

daily show guy

(New York, PMNS)

It can now be revealed that Joe Biden had a hidden agenda in last night’s vice presidential debate from Danville, Kentucky.

Democrat and Comedy Central insiders have now said that Mr. Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash to Administration and White House insiders,  was not only trying to debate Paul Ryan, he was also concurrently trying out to be a Daily Show crew member.

Despite Mr. Biden’s debate performance, producers for the Daily Show are not yet sold on Mr. Biden’s Ed McMahon to Jon Stewart’s Johnny Carson. However, they are still considering him as a possible audience member.

The lack of further VP debates is said to hurt Mr. Biden’s chances for either position, unless his ticket should lose.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

Did Biden Really Win? The Downside…

While Dems assert Joe Biden won the VP debates, their joy might be short-lived should they unpack their argument or follow it to its logical conclusion.

If it’s true that “Biden won,” (and it isn’t, not by a long shot), the idea would thus reflect the following: 1) Joe Biden is the Administration’s “thought leader,” 2) Joe Biden is the White House debate champ, 3) Joe Biden matches up against Paul Ryan better than Mr. Obama does versus Mr. Romney, thus, 4) Obama was still crushed by Mitt Romney in the presidential debate.

And where was the Paul Ryan with the devil horns, or Mitt Romney, the Democrat’s said-to-be Adolph Hitler minus the moustache? Missing. Still missing. Always missing.

Biden’s increased stature—asserted by the Dems—means Obama’s diminishment.

Happy, Barry?

Desperate acts for desperate campaigns.

Joe Biden Caption Contest Winner

The winner of last week’s Joe Biden caption contest was submitted by Earle F. Flathorne III of the Bronx. Mr. Flathorne is a theater teacher at DeWitt Clinton High School:

“I’m as dumb as Hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!!!”

Runner ups:

“I said Benghazi was the intel community’s fault, fool!” Mark Springsteen, Colorado Springs, CO.

“I gotta tell ya folks, these hair plugs make my forehead itch like the devil…” Phyllis Widowmaker, East Rutherford, NJ.

“Yeah, I think I’m just gonna grow it out and pull it back in a ponytail.” Harvey Finewine, Beverly Hills, CA.

angry joe

The VP Debates

Clearly the Administration’s strategy was to demonize Mitt Romney (Paul Ryan would just be collateral damage, should it occur) as well as Joe Biden could muster.

Joe Biden’s method was a one-two-three combination of 1) smirk, 2) debatus-interruptus, and 3) policy can-kicking. His early-on debatus-interruptus was successful in making the debate difficult to follow at parts—even the moderator seemed a bit peeved at the uneven process—as Joe’s wooden choppers gleamed whiter than his shirt.

However, sadly for the Obama re-election effort, Mr. Biden, flawed as he was, far outperformed his boss (but that ain’t sayin’ much).

Mr. Biden strikes me as a political animal who will do and say anything to advance his team’s cause. However, his Obama-approved message is simply wrong, backwards looking, and unsustainable. Plus, he’s unable to articulate the superiority of his ideas (made more difficult by the absence of such superiority) in any sort of compelling way. Joe’s fall back position depends on insider name dropping, platitudes, and still more smirking.

Those intel guys just have to be loving on Biden (not)—we’ll see how the IC comes back at Joe.

And Ryan also got GaffeMaster Flash with the zinger of the night, a beaut.

New Obama Campaign Debate Strategy

(Danville, KY, PMNS)

old joeDemocrat operatives are hoping a new strategy will propel Mr. Obama’s re-election effort past the week-old “debacle in Denver” with the vice presidential debates to be held here tonight on the campus of Centre College.

“The general idea is we’ll accept Joe Biden being slaughtered in order to put the President’s debate performance behind us. All we want to do is to turn the page,” said a close advisor to Mr. Obama. However, other advisors are not so willing to let Mr. Biden roam freely for fear he might generate a “fatal Bidenism.” So far all the VP’s fatal Bidenisms have been caught by the media and erased before they’ve had a chance to become a focus of discussion.

As such, technology has become an important safety net for the Democrats, and tonight Mr. Biden will be wearing a remote shock collar should he stray too far from the party line. As such, aides will shock Mr. Biden as required in order to help him stay on-message as much as possible.

“Joe’s familiar with this thing, in fact, he first wore it during the debate with Sarah Palin in the 2008 election,” the insider said. “It’s probably the only thing that allowed him a semblance of a draw. I suppose in hindsight, we should have left it on since then.”

Mr. Biden’s counterpart, Rep. Paul Ryan won’t face the same sort of restrictions, having proven himself to the Romney campaign by already besting Mr. Obama on Obamacare and the Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, on the Administration’s non-plan to reduce the debt and entitlement crises.

Expect sparks to fly, literally, tonight from Centre College.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

Biden targets—and relates to—new voting bloc

(Chicago, PMNS)

joe being joePresident Obama’s handlers are looking forward to the upcoming vice-presidential debates, in part to change the subject away from the President’s listless Denver performance against rival Mitt Romney, and in part to release their new secret weapon, VP Joe Biden.

Biden, Democrat operatives say, will be specifically targeting a newly identified voting bloc which has been found via statistical analysis and voting trends. Traditionally this bloc of individuals, described by pollsters as “sharp as a marble” (SAAM) voters, has voted Democrat about 85 percent of the time. The general idea, strategists said, is to use Biden to get the remaining 15 percent of SAAM voters who are generally thought to have voted Republican by mistake.

“Joe gives us a serious leg-up with SAAM voters because, well, because he’s only sharp as a marble himself,” said Democrat strategist David Axelrod. “His mentally impaired shtick is no act—it’s the real thing and it’s bound to affect that 15 percent we’ve somehow failed to historically pick up.” 

Democrat campaign officials also hope the VP’s genial, simple-minded demeanor will place Republican challenger Paul Ryan off balance, especially given that Biden will almost certainly be authorized by the Administration to unleash any and all required free-lunch promises needed to secure all SAAM voters, including free-health care, Chevy Volts, food stamps, and, of course, the popular Obamaphones. Look forward to flying sparks—and from Biden, flying spittle—from the Thursday night debate to be held at Centre College in Danville, Kentucky.

How the upcoming VP debates will benefit President Obama

(Washington, PMNS) Several Democrat strategists are looking forward to the upcoming vice-presidential debates, despite the long history of rhetorical face-plants and inarticulate buffoonery provided by sitting VP Joe Biden.

(At right, Mr. Biden explains the the federal debt to a closed-session audience at Davos 2012.)

Speaking off the record, one well-known strategist offered, “Mainly, it’ll allow us to put Obama’s debate debacle and the discussions about his record behind us and to get more Romney attack ads in heavy TV, radio, and social media rotation. And of course, our friends who are journalists,” he said, adding air quotes, “will be doing their part as well.”

Democrat strategist LeRoy Fonduemerville, a veteran of eight presidential races, said, “Although Joe’s a clown, he’s our clown, and a loyal one at that. He’ll do and say anything he’s told, unless he forgets or mangles his script… which he’s capable of, of course.”

A third strategist who refused to be identified said he thought it would be “helpful to the President’s campaign in diverting attention from the just-cooked unemployment rate and that whole Benghazi thing.”

A final anonymous strategist said, “It gives us a bit of a breather to schedule more Bill Clinton appearances on the President’s behalf. We’re desperate for a Clinton-driven boost, so hopefully we can raise the appearance money he requires. And if all else fails, there’s still a few more race cards to be played as well as Hillary 2016.”

More recently, several of the more severe “Joe being Joe” moments are thought to be the result of a severe fungal infection associated with the Vice President’s hair-plugs. Medical officials at Bethesda Naval Hospital say there is new hope an experimental anti-fungal treatment will slow the rate of Biden’s decline. Similarly, the use of a teleprompter is thought to mitigate the magnitude and severity of the VP’s “Bidenisms” and one staffer now has the full-time task of personally monitoring Mr. Biden’s public speaking and simply powering off his microphone should the VP trend towards the serious gaffes he’s well know for.

Regardless, most political analysts are already predicting a clear Biden win despite the fact Las Vegas odds makers have installed Republican VP candidate Paul Ryan as the prohibitive debate favorite. As one odds maker put it, “Even if Ryan doesn’t show up, I say he’s a lock to clean Joe’s clock. The longer Joe talks, the worse things seem to get for him.”

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

Gaffemaster Flash: Biden or Obama?

When a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, it still makes a noise.

When Barack Obama makes a gaffe in the public arena, it still makes a noise. But as with the tree, no one hears the noise. Why? Because the media fails to address the gaffe. It’s not too much unlike explaining away our daily Bidenisms: that’s just Joe being Joe (which is media code for this: he may be a total idiot, but he’s our total idiot).

Barry seems to think the bodies of four murdered Americans are a speed bump in his record of foreign policy achievement, right up there with the Russian reset and rebuilding the American image with the Muslim world.

The good news is he’s stopped the seas from rising.

Joe Hearts Biker Chick

The man who is a heartbeat away from the presidency perhaps had his life saved by the presence of the Secret Service.

While the Greeks don’t want no freaks, the bikers don’t want no Biden. Literally.

Joe Biden: cartoonish buffoon, pathetic SCTV parody, or perfect Obama Administration fit?

heartbeat away

Ray LaHood: sharp as a marble

Ray LaHood, as characterized by David Harsanyi:

In my career, I’ve been lucky enough to meet cabinet members, governors, senators and even a few presidential candidates, but, honestly, I’ve never met anyone less impressive at the higher levels of government than LaHood.

The first conclusion we can draw: Mr. Harsanyi has not met Eric Holder.

The second conclusion: the Administration actively supports the Americans with Mental Disabilities Act. Consider at minimum Holder, LaHood, and GaffeMaster Flash (AKA Joe Biden).

The third conclusion: the President has surrounded himself with people who think as he does.

Scary, ain’t it?

C’mon November!

An Administration in Denial

GaffeMaster Flash asserts the U.S. economy is in the septic tank because Democrats lost the House in the 2010 elections.

He ignores why the Republicans took the House in 2010: Democrats.

Mankind is the only creature who can lie to himself and Joe Biden has an advanced degree in denial.

Joe doesn’t make sense even when he follows the script…