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Doltin’ Joe Has Left And Gone Away

You may recall the point in the vice presidential debate when Joe Biden told Paul Ryan the House cut $300 million from Embassy Security. It was a naked attempt to blame Ryan for the Administration’s Benghazi debacle that resulted in the murder of four Americans including Ambassador Chris Stevens.

Ryan was stunned and didn’t seem to know what Biden was talking about (there are myriad budget iterations as they move through the appropriations cycle). For an instant, Ryan’s intellect failed, but for good reason it would seem: Biden’s assertion was later revealed to be a lie (and the Bide lies are legion).

That is, in government speak, there was no line for “Embassy Security” in Ryan’s budget blueprint. Ryan’s budget blueprint was a broad attempt to reduce federal nondefense discretionary spending, that is, defense and entitlements would be off the table. And without a line item (called a program element), a program can’t be marked or plussed-up (in more government speak, “marked” is code for being cut; plussed-up is hopefully self-explanatory).

Now to Biden’s embarrassment (should he be capable of such emotion), it turns out the State Department is sitting on $2.2 billion (with a “B”) in unspent funding that’s been programmed for Embassy Security all across the globe. Failing to spend the money you’ve been appropriated is one of the cardinal sins of government program management. And when you’re talking billions, even Cabinet members pay attention.

The more Biden’s debate performance is examined—on substance—the worse it gets. And on style, we’ll be laughing at him (versus with him) for quite a while. In fact, if Biden makes a play for the 2016 nomination, this 2012 VP debate performance will be an enduring millstone around his neck.

This—Benghazi, but the election as well—will not end well for the Administration. Hopefully, Barry and Doltin’ Joe (and the rest of their minions) will leave and go away. And quietly, we hope.

Koo koo ka choo.

Doltin’ Joe has left and gone away? We can only pray and vote…

Update: what Biden was really trying to accomplish

daily show guy

(New York, PMNS)

It can now be revealed that Joe Biden had a hidden agenda in last night’s vice presidential debate from Danville, Kentucky.

Democrat and Comedy Central insiders have now said that Mr. Biden, AKA GaffeMaster Flash to Administration and White House insiders,  was not only trying to debate Paul Ryan, he was also concurrently trying out to be a Daily Show crew member.

Despite Mr. Biden’s debate performance, producers for the Daily Show are not yet sold on Mr. Biden’s Ed McMahon to Jon Stewart’s Johnny Carson. However, they are still considering him as a possible audience member.

The lack of further VP debates is said to hurt Mr. Biden’s chances for either position, unless his ticket should lose.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

Did Biden Really Win? The Downside…

While Dems assert Joe Biden won the VP debates, their joy might be short-lived should they unpack their argument or follow it to its logical conclusion.

If it’s true that “Biden won,” (and it isn’t, not by a long shot), the idea would thus reflect the following: 1) Joe Biden is the Administration’s “thought leader,” 2) Joe Biden is the White House debate champ, 3) Joe Biden matches up against Paul Ryan better than Mr. Obama does versus Mr. Romney, thus, 4) Obama was still crushed by Mitt Romney in the presidential debate.

And where was the Paul Ryan with the devil horns, or Mitt Romney, the Democrat’s said-to-be Adolph Hitler minus the moustache? Missing. Still missing. Always missing.

Biden’s increased stature—asserted by the Dems—means Obama’s diminishment.

Happy, Barry?

Desperate acts for desperate campaigns.

When is a debate draw not a draw?

When is a vice presidential debate a draw and when do voters split?

When you’re CNN (and when Paul Ryan beats Joe Biden 48-44).

cnn

The VP Debates

Clearly the Administration’s strategy was to demonize Mitt Romney (Paul Ryan would just be collateral damage, should it occur) as well as Joe Biden could muster.

Joe Biden’s method was a one-two-three combination of 1) smirk, 2) debatus-interruptus, and 3) policy can-kicking. His early-on debatus-interruptus was successful in making the debate difficult to follow at parts—even the moderator seemed a bit peeved at the uneven process—as Joe’s wooden choppers gleamed whiter than his shirt.

However, sadly for the Obama re-election effort, Mr. Biden, flawed as he was, far outperformed his boss (but that ain’t sayin’ much).

Mr. Biden strikes me as a political animal who will do and say anything to advance his team’s cause. However, his Obama-approved message is simply wrong, backwards looking, and unsustainable. Plus, he’s unable to articulate the superiority of his ideas (made more difficult by the absence of such superiority) in any sort of compelling way. Joe’s fall back position depends on insider name dropping, platitudes, and still more smirking.

Those intel guys just have to be loving on Biden (not)—we’ll see how the IC comes back at Joe.

And Ryan also got GaffeMaster Flash with the zinger of the night, a beaut.

New Obama Campaign Debate Strategy

(Danville, KY, PMNS)

old joeDemocrat operatives are hoping a new strategy will propel Mr. Obama’s re-election effort past the week-old “debacle in Denver” with the vice presidential debates to be held here tonight on the campus of Centre College.

“The general idea is we’ll accept Joe Biden being slaughtered in order to put the President’s debate performance behind us. All we want to do is to turn the page,” said a close advisor to Mr. Obama. However, other advisors are not so willing to let Mr. Biden roam freely for fear he might generate a “fatal Bidenism.” So far all the VP’s fatal Bidenisms have been caught by the media and erased before they’ve had a chance to become a focus of discussion.

As such, technology has become an important safety net for the Democrats, and tonight Mr. Biden will be wearing a remote shock collar should he stray too far from the party line. As such, aides will shock Mr. Biden as required in order to help him stay on-message as much as possible.

“Joe’s familiar with this thing, in fact, he first wore it during the debate with Sarah Palin in the 2008 election,” the insider said. “It’s probably the only thing that allowed him a semblance of a draw. I suppose in hindsight, we should have left it on since then.”

Mr. Biden’s counterpart, Rep. Paul Ryan won’t face the same sort of restrictions, having proven himself to the Romney campaign by already besting Mr. Obama on Obamacare and the Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, on the Administration’s non-plan to reduce the debt and entitlement crises.

Expect sparks to fly, literally, tonight from Centre College.

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)

Biden targets—and relates to—new voting bloc

(Chicago, PMNS)

joe being joePresident Obama’s handlers are looking forward to the upcoming vice-presidential debates, in part to change the subject away from the President’s listless Denver performance against rival Mitt Romney, and in part to release their new secret weapon, VP Joe Biden.

Biden, Democrat operatives say, will be specifically targeting a newly identified voting bloc which has been found via statistical analysis and voting trends. Traditionally this bloc of individuals, described by pollsters as “sharp as a marble” (SAAM) voters, has voted Democrat about 85 percent of the time. The general idea, strategists said, is to use Biden to get the remaining 15 percent of SAAM voters who are generally thought to have voted Republican by mistake.

“Joe gives us a serious leg-up with SAAM voters because, well, because he’s only sharp as a marble himself,” said Democrat strategist David Axelrod. “His mentally impaired shtick is no act—it’s the real thing and it’s bound to affect that 15 percent we’ve somehow failed to historically pick up.” 

Democrat campaign officials also hope the VP’s genial, simple-minded demeanor will place Republican challenger Paul Ryan off balance, especially given that Biden will almost certainly be authorized by the Administration to unleash any and all required free-lunch promises needed to secure all SAAM voters, including free-health care, Chevy Volts, food stamps, and, of course, the popular Obamaphones. Look forward to flying sparks—and from Biden, flying spittle—from the Thursday night debate to be held at Centre College in Danville, Kentucky.

How the upcoming VP debates will benefit President Obama

(Washington, PMNS) Several Democrat strategists are looking forward to the upcoming vice-presidential debates, despite the long history of rhetorical face-plants and inarticulate buffoonery provided by sitting VP Joe Biden.

(At right, Mr. Biden explains the the federal debt to a closed-session audience at Davos 2012.)

Speaking off the record, one well-known strategist offered, “Mainly, it’ll allow us to put Obama’s debate debacle and the discussions about his record behind us and to get more Romney attack ads in heavy TV, radio, and social media rotation. And of course, our friends who are journalists,” he said, adding air quotes, “will be doing their part as well.”

Democrat strategist LeRoy Fonduemerville, a veteran of eight presidential races, said, “Although Joe’s a clown, he’s our clown, and a loyal one at that. He’ll do and say anything he’s told, unless he forgets or mangles his script… which he’s capable of, of course.”

A third strategist who refused to be identified said he thought it would be “helpful to the President’s campaign in diverting attention from the just-cooked unemployment rate and that whole Benghazi thing.”

A final anonymous strategist said, “It gives us a bit of a breather to schedule more Bill Clinton appearances on the President’s behalf. We’re desperate for a Clinton-driven boost, so hopefully we can raise the appearance money he requires. And if all else fails, there’s still a few more race cards to be played as well as Hillary 2016.”

More recently, several of the more severe “Joe being Joe” moments are thought to be the result of a severe fungal infection associated with the Vice President’s hair-plugs. Medical officials at Bethesda Naval Hospital say there is new hope an experimental anti-fungal treatment will slow the rate of Biden’s decline. Similarly, the use of a teleprompter is thought to mitigate the magnitude and severity of the VP’s “Bidenisms” and one staffer now has the full-time task of personally monitoring Mr. Biden’s public speaking and simply powering off his microphone should the VP trend towards the serious gaffes he’s well know for.

Regardless, most political analysts are already predicting a clear Biden win despite the fact Las Vegas odds makers have installed Republican VP candidate Paul Ryan as the prohibitive debate favorite. As one odds maker put it, “Even if Ryan doesn’t show up, I say he’s a lock to clean Joe’s clock. The longer Joe talks, the worse things seem to get for him.”

(Philup Nubia and Zerxes Jones-Smith from PMNS’s Mumbai Information, Research, and Translation Service enclave contributed to this article.)